I’m burning letters I wrote you
On the dark side of the moon tonight.
They were written in a past life,
When I believed I could detoxify
All this bad blood passing underneath
Burning bridges I lit to light my way
Towards a better past.
I misread the scars across my skin
Thinking it a map towards healing;
Towards restoring the illusion
Was always and perfectly fine.
Any distortion in the picture,
Always and forever,
The direct result of a cracked lens
I couldn’t see through.
The one I inherited from you.
But I believed forgiveness was due,
It was my fault
For not getting out the way
Of your runaway train.
Because that was holy,
Or so your pastor told me.
He taught me forgiveness
Was the ultimate sign of faith.
Forgiveness the sign of God’s grace.
Forgiveness the sign of God’s favor.
Letting love cover a multitude of sins,
Sins – a kind name for your abusiveness.
But somewhere along the way,
I have learned there is a difference,
Between covering and cover up,
So when I stood up
With arms outstretched to build distance
Between me and the pain,
I was marked out as a godless thing of shame.
Calling the distance antithetical to love
Because I would not hug the battering ram
Of your bitter brutality.
The inescapable memories,
Have taught me
There is no hope for a better past.
I am better served burning these letters
On the dark side of the moon tonight
To rise to my feet
And fight these ghosts
Until come the morning light.