As God Is, So Shall I be

From: Sargent Joseph Mesias
To: Detective Donovan Pearson

Subject: Don! You have to read this!
Attachment: Journal.pdf


We’ve sent out an APB on the suspect. We’ve included every online alias, email, social media account we could find on this kid. There wasn’t much, but we used what we could find. He seemed to be somewhat of a loner.

Forensics did a thorough sweep of the home, and they have found some unbelievable stuff. Just like the autopsy report on the kid’s parents, you’re going to want to see what forensics for yourself.

Lucky for us the suspect kept a detailed journal. I’m including a transcript of key entries, but you might also want to read the thing for yourself.

All I can say is that we have to catch this kid. There is something really wrong with him, and I’m certain more people are going to end up like his last victims if we don’t find him fast.

Let’s meet up for lunch soon.


July 7, 2014
3:17 a.m.

I can’t sleep.

Even with the windows open, the ceiling fan blasting at full speed, and a box fan set on high, my room is still hovering around 90 degrees. I know we can’t afford to run the A/C, but I’ve had two cold showers, and sweat is still pouring out of me!

I know I shouldn’t, but I’m going for a walk. Outside isn’t much better, but it is better. I’ll be back in an hour. My parents won’t even know I’ve gone.

8:23 a.m.

I woke up in the backyard this morning. Dad found me and turned the hose on me.

I was covered in mud and scratches as if I had been running through fields all night. I told my parents I went for a walk around the neighborhood and then slept outside because the house was too hot. I don’t know if they believe me, but they let it go.

I honestly can’t remember anything after leaving the house. After my wake up call, I went inside and took a shower. I had deep gashes in my back. It looked like I was attacked by a dog or something.

It’s really weird, but I’m not going to say anything to my parents unless they get infected. They’d kill me if they knew I was sneaking out at night. Even if I’m just going for walks around town.

12:38 p.m.

Okay, this is weird.

I checked the scratches on my back, and they’re gone. I definitely didn’t imagine them. I ran my fingers through the grooves I could reach. They were there! I swear it!

Whatever, I’m just glad they’re gone.

July 9, 2014
2:44 a.m.

I woke up gagging and spitting up stomach acid. I chewed up two fistfuls of antacids, and my stomach and throat are still on fire.

3:57 a.m.

O sleep where are thou
Wandering so far from home
Please come back to me!

4:14 a.m.

The house is hot as hell. I feel like my insides are on fire, and I think I just threw up everything I’ve eaten in the last 15 years.

I don’t even feel the least bit tired. I’m wide awake. Just feeling miserable.

7:21 a.m.

Dear God, can we turn the sun down? I mean where is the dimmer switch on that thing. It’s bright as hell.

9:09 a.m.

Mom and dad are gone for the day. I have the whole house to myself, but I can’t seem to drag myself out of bed.

It’s 105 degrees outside, 97 degrees inside. It so hot! It’s like I’m being cooked alive! Heh. I wonder what I would taste like? Probably beef jerky and cheese puffs. I bet with a bit of hot sauce, I could pass for a decent meal…okay, I must be exhausted. This is gross. I’m going to sleep.

11:14 p.m.

Well…it’s going to be another long night.

I’ve been asleep since my last entry. I had so many weird dreams. I don’t remember much about them, just that they were really weird. Really. Really. Weird.

In one dream I was running after kids from school that used to give me shit. I remember scratching and biting them. In another dream I was on…I don’t know? Another planet maybe? Things looked strange. Like I was standing on the moon. There were all these alien bug monsters standing around me. They would click their mouths…which were more like mandibles on a crab…but I understood the clicks like a language.

Screw it. The house is too hot and I’m too awake. I’m going out for a walk.

July 10, 2014
3:12 a.m.

Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

I’ve never hit anyone before in my life. Ever! But I went out to the park and these guys were there. One of them came up and asked if I had a lighter. I told him no, then he asked if I had any money. I told him no.

While he was talking to me, his two friends walked around us and stood behind me. I felt scared and told him I had to get going. He was all “hey, man. Chill. Hang out with us.” And I was like, “nah, man. Thanks, but I gotta get going.”

Then one of his buddies grabbed my arms from behind, and the guy I was talking to pulled out a knife. Normally I would have pissed myself, but, I don’t know, it felt like something took over me.

I slammed the back of my head into the chest of the guy who was holding me. Hard. I felt something crack. The guy I was talking to must have been a little freaked out because he didn’t notice me rush him. I shoved him back like eight feet. No lie!

The other dude that was behind me ran past the guy who had been holding me, and was now on the ground holding his chest, and tried to punch me in the face. It was as if I was watching everything move in slow motion. I saw the punch coming, ducked, and then slammed my knee into his balls hard enough to hear his pelvis crack. The dude fell and started throwing up and screaming.

Guy with the knife ran towards me, but I kicked him in the knee. I thought I was aiming for his shin, but I got him in the knee. His leg totally bent the wrong way. The knife flew out of his hand and next thing I knew he was on the ground holding his busted leg, screaming, and then I felt…I don’t know.

I must have blacked out for a moment because when I came to I was straddling the guy and punching him in the nose over and over again, telling him to shut the fuck up. I hated him, and I hated his screaming even more. I couldn’t stop myself. I just kept hitting him until he stopped screaming.

His face was a mess. His nose looked like flattened lump of clay. His lips were swollen, and one of his front teeth had been knocked out. He made a strange whistling sound every time he breathed.

There was so much blood! The guys face was one big red and pink swollen smear. My hands were covered in his blood, and my knuckles looked like they too were swollen. I had no idea how I was going to explain what happened to my hands to my parents.

When I got up his friends were still on the ground. I had no idea what to do. I panicked and ran.

9:12 a.m.

I’m freaking out!

The whole thing was on the news! The guy I beat down died on the way to the hospital. The guy I hit in the chest was dead when the police arrived. They said his heart stopped because of blunt force trauma to the chest. The third guy was in critical condition.

They put up the “Crime Stoppers” number asking for any witnesses to come forward. I’m pretty sure no one saw what happened, but I’m still really freaked out.  I have no idea what to do.

To make everything worse, I feel so sick today. I can barely keep my eyes open. The sun is burning through my skull. I nailed a bedspread over the window to keep the light out. What is happening to me?

July 18, 2014

I don’t know where I am. Nothing looks familiar. I have wandered every inch of this town many times over, and this place looks…no…FEELS strange.

What time is it? I can’t remember even waking up. I’m wearing only my boxers and carrying this stupid journal. I’m covered in blood and chunks of only God knows what. There is a funny taste in my mouth, but I love it. Something is so right about it. I’m afraid to figure out what it might be.

It’s so dark out here. Where have the stars gone?

July 23, 2014
Dark Outside:Bloody Inside p.m.

I told them. They didn’t believe me, but I told them. The floor. Something moves beneath it. Scratching. Scraping. Lapping. Pressing upward to break through. Whispering something about a door.

Daddy wouldn’t stop shouting. Mom kept yelling. I told them. I told them they’d draw the thing. I told them they bring it through. They wouldn’t stop. I stopped them.

Eyes and tongues and cheeks and bones and blood and knees, oh the knees! Yummy tasty brittle things.

July – why bother? Time is a silly thing.

Wretched rotting carcasses. Foul. The drew more things beneath the floor. The encircle like sharks.

Oh The Dark Thirty a.m.

It came up through the floor. So many legs, wild whipping antennae, mandibles clicking and clacking out demands. More bodies. More harvest. Yes masters. O mighty grand gods to whom I am but a worm. A willing slave.

The leave me scraps of vile innards. Savory shit filled intestines to satiate my hunger. Anointed in piss and flesh I become like them. Holy. Changing. Metamorphic realizing. As they are, I become. God among gods.

Beckoning, I follow where they lead. Burrowing tunnels through time and space to be as they; as they have created me. An insatiable hungering god. And I shall feed them, and they shall feed me.



About St Basil Z Fish

Curator of the strange and incredibly awkward. A rambling writer with the misguided notion he has something to say. His only redeeming qualities are his wife and children.
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