But Here We Are

charity-open-hands

vampire female about to changeWe stand on ledges.
Lost in the horizon.
Caught between beauty
And despair.
Holding back rivers.
Damming up the ocean in ourselves.

We don’t want to be seen like this.
But here we are.

We forget
We are beautiful.
Passionately,
Wonderfully,
Bearing the image of God.

God’s sorrow.
Compassion.
Surrendering love
To those most in need.
Often
Imperfectly giving too much.
But it’s who we are.

In the muchness of it all,
Overwhelmed,
We step back from that ledge.
Not for ourselves,
But for those
Who still need us.

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Cigarettes and Cages

IllusoryAngel

Riding the current,
She was electric.
Ungrounded.
A catastrophe in the making.
A never waiting
Dream catcher
Hot on the tail
Of shooting stars
Trailing Across the night sky.
She burned bright,
Until she burned out.
A flame gutted by wind
And men
Laid to rest
Like cigarettes
Stained in nude lipstick.
“Love,”
She said the day I walked away
“Is a chain,
Meant to keep me in a cage.
And I love you.
So I have to let you go.”

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My Dear Sweet Sarah

She feels helpless.
Watching him swallowed up
In chronic pain
Caused by a condition
Coded into his DNA.

She sees him
Pushing past his boundaries.
Heaping upon himself
Greater pain than is necessary,
And she stands helpless.

She wants nothing more
Than to take the hurt away;
To love so strong
He might be set free
Of the hurt
Pressing deeper than his bones,
Cutting into his soul.

Like him,
She is a healer.
And she can’t heal him.
Try as she might.
But she is determine
To ease the suffering.

My dear sweet Sarah.
It is not your fault.
None of this
Is our fault.
It is written into my being,
And I,
Will bear this suffering
To see you,
To see our girls,
Safe and provided for.

I see you.
I wish I could ease
Your sense of failing,
Your sense of helplessness,

But I know you.
You are stubborn like me.
And I know you
Will continue
To find a way to heal me.

Love me.
As you always have.
For it,
Is more than enough.

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From A Foundation of Fear

I will not engage you from a place of fear.

Believe me,
I know fear and anxiety better than I know myself;
Mostly because
I have known them longer.

But,

I cannot and will not engage you from that place
Because I do not believe
It will do either of us
Any
Good.

Starting from fear
Is like planting one’s feet on a sheet of ice.

Maybe not my feet.
My feet are so rough and calloused
I can run down walls.

But, in general,
Feet do not plant well on ice.
They’re given to
Slipping,
Sliding,
And stumbling.

Asking me to start from fear
Is like asking me to fall
Before I’ve had a chance to jump.

So roll up that expectation,
Set it on the stove,
And leave the water out of this,
Because you
Need to let that motherfucker burn motherfucker.

Your insecurities
Are showing like smoke signals on a clear day.
I hear your message
Like an air horn in a library.

I know you’re used to thinking like a box cutter.
I know you’re used to living like a tire fire,

But your toxicity,
Your systemic breaking down,
Won’t
Break
Me
Down.

Because starting from fear
Is to start from a broken place.
And I’ve got enough brokenness
For the both of us.

I’m not looking for more.

So take a deep breath,
And let’s try this again.

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They’re Killing Her

old-hands

They’re screaming again.
He and her on the verge of trading blows;
Standing on the razor edged mouth
Of a volcano
Bubbling,
Boiling,
Begging to erupt.

She drowns helplessly in a sea of blankets
Weeping rivers and ghosts,
Wanting more than anything
To find her voice,
To speak up,
To tell them both
To get the fuck out.

But already,
So long ago,
They had robbed her of her tongue,
Divided it among themselves,
So it would be they
Who spoke for her.
Because they
In their tiny hearts
Knew what was best
For the cancer
Inside her bones.

In another room,
Bearing weight of the world
Upon malnourished shoulders,
Baptized in an ocean of grief,
She held her tongue
Between polished stones,
Filling her mouth
With the taste of copper.

Tortured.
Grief stricken.
Her mother was dying.
Diagnosed with cancer,
But she knew
It was the storms,
The falling skies,
The neglect,
The silence,
And his voice
Cracking every shell
On the egg white walls,
Killing her mother.

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Vampire

Last Friday I wrote and recorded the following poem. I hope you enjoy it.

 

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Beautiful

starrynight

She is sunset and moon rise.
A haunting jazz melody
Played at the end of the world.
The gentle snare snap
Holding back Hell.
Making those demons think twice
Before laying hands on her family.
The magnetic pull
Keeping me from jumping.
Lovely
Like a stitched up heart
Still beating
Beautiful
Like a world blanketed in snow
Keeper of my soul.
Giver of life.
Woman.
Mother.
Wife.

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